I'm pooped and going to bed early tonight--I had a stressful choir day yesterday and didn't sleep well. I've just begun my ninth year of directing the children's/youth music ministries (and growing the programs significantly, too), and I've never had a parent attempt to interfere in my musical decisions about the groups (as in "my child wants to do blahblahblah, and I insist she be given this part/solo/whatever"). Until yesterday. I lay awake and stewed about it all night. My objectives are that the children learn to love music, enjoy liturgical worship and have a fun time. I try to give the ones who are musically gifted the opportunity to use their talent when the occasion arises, but I also try to make sure that before the year is over, every child has a chance to shine in some special way. I don't quite know how to manage this development. My initial instinct is to remove the "special" part that this child/mother are angling for and just do the anthem as a unison anthem, thus eliminating the problem.
But the kids enjoy the challenge of more complicated anthems, so should they all have to miss out so I can avoid this problem? I am NOT putting this particular child on this particular part. It's too difficult for her. She is easily distracted and pays little attention during rehearsal. Yesterday she spent the entire rehearsal playing with a scarf she'd brought with her, which is why I was shocked when I received the call from her mother. I've given her other opportunities in the past, when I felt the part was right for her voice and focus level, so it's not like she's never gotten the chance to do a "special thing."
I just don't know...
8 comments:
I hate helicoptor parents. This is why kids can't negotiate their own play and establish rules and consequences when they do play.
Here's my two cents:
Tell the mother that you recognize the special talent her child has and so you have a special part picked out just for her at a later date and that XXXXX is better suited to this part. in a few weeks give the kid something easier than this to do as "her turn" to shine.
If the mom complains for more, explain that choir is a group activity and that it's about working together to make music for GOD, not for glory (people at church often have issues with the "God over Glory" concept). Also, since it's a group activity, every child needs to be given the chance to do something special and it wouldn't be fair to favor one or two children over the rest.
I think that as the director for nine years, you know best. You're good at what you do for a reason. Like Jilly said, explain to the mother, if need be, just what you said in your post. This just isn't the right part for her daughter.
I think I'm okay in assuming you have the family's address. So call the Mormon Church Missionary Hotline, 1-800-BIG-LOVE, and give them the mom's name and address. The Missionaries will visit her, present her with the TRUTH (Finally!) and she'll convert and be out of your hair. Once she's a Mormon, she'll learn her place (2nd) and not give the Leadership any problems.
You're welcome!
I differ only in this with Jilly- I would not mention that you have something special picked out for child in the future. She will be on your neck like a millstone until that happens. Remind her that- To everything there is a season and a time for every purpose under heaven.
wv- shersagg
Somedays parts of my body shersagg more than I want.
Since this is in a religious environment, I would point out that vanity and pride are sins.
How did it all come out? It stinks when you are trying hard to do the right thing and are thwarted by people who are selfish.
My 3 cents: Thank the mother for her input and gently but firmly tell her that you have everything under control and are proceeding with what is in the best interests of the choir as a whole. Or you could leave off the last part and stop at 'under control'.
So, I didn't really do anything in regards to the phone call. I told the kids yesterday that we would do that anthem as a unison anthem, and that I'd just have to see how grown-up they could be before I decided whether we do any more multi-part music.
But the whole thing just depressed me. Now I know how soccer coaches feel.
Post a Comment